There is no “silver lining” to dementia. For the sufferer or the caregiver. Only love is a balm, and it’s clear you have that. Wishing you peace and the grace to keep going despite the pain.
Thank you for your honesty in living with this terrible disease. I don’t know how you do it, but I know you just do all that you can, day by day. Thinking of you & hoping today brings you reasons to smile.
I would not say "Bright Side" My mom passed 3 weeks ago today. Traveling through 4.5 years with her living with me and years of support out of state. It was an experience like nothing I have had or could imagine. What often helped me was not talking, and not having expectations. following her lead. ( She was considered easy by most standards lol) Still 24/7 care, incontinence, very little understanding as things progressed. My thoughts and emotions as I traveled through and now can be so varied. We try to make sense out of our experience right? The only "grateful" is that I am still alive and was somehow able to care for my mother who had a horrible disease. Get as much help and support as you can.
When someone speaks truthfully about what is real, we learn. I learn. I thank you for capturing what is happening in your life and in the world....She loves you, she thanks you, you love her......and are incredibly loving and gentle and giving.....and it is very very hard and painful....and we are in a Fascist state. And always the question what we can do--where we have power to change what is clear--the Fascism so obvious -- and when it is acceptance and filled with sadness. Thank you, Will, for being.
My grandfather was diagnosed with “hardening of the arteries”
in the late 50’s. As a kid what I mostly remember is that he repeated himself. But he seemed content, sat on the porch & smoked his cigars. Until his behavior became violent. We lived in Schenectady & I remember my grandmother calling at night, scared that he was going to hurt her, and us piling into the car & driving up to Northville. After several episodes my grandfather ended up in a state hospital. My grandmother was in her 70’s and drove from Northville to Marcy every week to visit him until he passed away. It was very sad.
Anyone who says there is anything good about Alzheimer’s hasn’t lived with it.
No one knows the span of the caregiver’s day, month, year, decade. Nor should they comment on anything about it. It is lonely, harrowing, seemingly endless.
I have read every beautiful, agonized word you have written. I appreciate your insights. Thank you for carrying on.
I hardly know where to begin.The sobs that are just under the surface, desperately missing the person you once knew, the long, slow decline, the lack of stimulating conversation and, sometimes, the anger. The absolute worst part is wondering when and hoping it would all end.
It is allll just too much. I keep wondering how you keep going, Will. I don't know how you can or should keep from sobbing, loudly and frequently. Bella won't mind. I hope it helps you to know how much we appreciate what you write about this....how many of us will join your situation and finally understand more completely what you are explaining to us.
You have clearly described my feelings about this disease. We are in the beginning stages , I hope, but my wife refuses to see a specialist. The change in relationship from husband/wife to caregiver/patient is stressful at best. I have found a nearby support group which allows me to vent and strategize on how to deal with things. Thanks for providing an insight to the future.
Will, your column today so very real. Hard I am sure to put to paper, but know that your kindness and thoughtfulness allows so many to comprehend the reality of this disease. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your moments with your beloved Bella. I read your entries with fascination. My Mother had dementia, but did not show signs until her late 80’s, she passed last year at 94. She too was a dynamic, intelligent, engaging and fun loving person, before her memory started to fade. I was responsible for her care during this time. It was a responsibility I chose, embraced and honored. It felt natural (although challenging and difficult at times). We humans are designed to care and protect our loved ones. You, sir, are a testimony to that. Your deep love for Bella is so real and apparent. Again, thank you for sharing your personal stories, I look forward to reading your future posts.
Will, you are brilliantly open in your description of care-giving for a demented loved one. It is indeed exhausting. I am moved to tears when Bella tells you she loves you. I'm certain she knows what that feeling is and that you're the One.
Yes.
There is no “silver lining” to dementia. For the sufferer or the caregiver. Only love is a balm, and it’s clear you have that. Wishing you peace and the grace to keep going despite the pain.
Thank you for your honesty in living with this terrible disease. I don’t know how you do it, but I know you just do all that you can, day by day. Thinking of you & hoping today brings you reasons to smile.
I would not say "Bright Side" My mom passed 3 weeks ago today. Traveling through 4.5 years with her living with me and years of support out of state. It was an experience like nothing I have had or could imagine. What often helped me was not talking, and not having expectations. following her lead. ( She was considered easy by most standards lol) Still 24/7 care, incontinence, very little understanding as things progressed. My thoughts and emotions as I traveled through and now can be so varied. We try to make sense out of our experience right? The only "grateful" is that I am still alive and was somehow able to care for my mother who had a horrible disease. Get as much help and support as you can.
Letting go of expectations has been important for me
When someone speaks truthfully about what is real, we learn. I learn. I thank you for capturing what is happening in your life and in the world....She loves you, she thanks you, you love her......and are incredibly loving and gentle and giving.....and it is very very hard and painful....and we are in a Fascist state. And always the question what we can do--where we have power to change what is clear--the Fascism so obvious -- and when it is acceptance and filled with sadness. Thank you, Will, for being.
My grandfather was diagnosed with “hardening of the arteries”
in the late 50’s. As a kid what I mostly remember is that he repeated himself. But he seemed content, sat on the porch & smoked his cigars. Until his behavior became violent. We lived in Schenectady & I remember my grandmother calling at night, scared that he was going to hurt her, and us piling into the car & driving up to Northville. After several episodes my grandfather ended up in a state hospital. My grandmother was in her 70’s and drove from Northville to Marcy every week to visit him until he passed away. It was very sad.
Anyone who says there is anything good about Alzheimer’s hasn’t lived with it.
I've heard that phrase -- hardening of the arteries. I didn't know it was used to refer to Alzheimer's
No one knows the span of the caregiver’s day, month, year, decade. Nor should they comment on anything about it. It is lonely, harrowing, seemingly endless.
I have read every beautiful, agonized word you have written. I appreciate your insights. Thank you for carrying on.
I hardly know where to begin.The sobs that are just under the surface, desperately missing the person you once knew, the long, slow decline, the lack of stimulating conversation and, sometimes, the anger. The absolute worst part is wondering when and hoping it would all end.
.
Not many people are strong enough to do what you are doing. Take care of yourself too. 🥰
It is allll just too much. I keep wondering how you keep going, Will. I don't know how you can or should keep from sobbing, loudly and frequently. Bella won't mind. I hope it helps you to know how much we appreciate what you write about this....how many of us will join your situation and finally understand more completely what you are explaining to us.
living in a fascist state, time for the new american revolution. I am trying to find my way.
You have clearly described my feelings about this disease. We are in the beginning stages , I hope, but my wife refuses to see a specialist. The change in relationship from husband/wife to caregiver/patient is stressful at best. I have found a nearby support group which allows me to vent and strategize on how to deal with things. Thanks for providing an insight to the future.
Will, your column today so very real. Hard I am sure to put to paper, but know that your kindness and thoughtfulness allows so many to comprehend the reality of this disease. Thank you.
Shalom, Will, to you and yours. “What the world needs now is love sweet love” and less hate.
Thank you for sharing your moments with your beloved Bella. I read your entries with fascination. My Mother had dementia, but did not show signs until her late 80’s, she passed last year at 94. She too was a dynamic, intelligent, engaging and fun loving person, before her memory started to fade. I was responsible for her care during this time. It was a responsibility I chose, embraced and honored. It felt natural (although challenging and difficult at times). We humans are designed to care and protect our loved ones. You, sir, are a testimony to that. Your deep love for Bella is so real and apparent. Again, thank you for sharing your personal stories, I look forward to reading your future posts.
Will, you are brilliantly open in your description of care-giving for a demented loved one. It is indeed exhausting. I am moved to tears when Bella tells you she loves you. I'm certain she knows what that feeling is and that you're the One.