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Dec 22
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Will Doolittle's avatar

That's part of the story, but not the whole story. People are intentionally defacing their plates -- sometimes crumpling them -- so they can't be read. Also, people are buying thick plastic covers that defeat the electronic readers. NY passed a new law in September to address this use of plastic covers, and lots of people have been convicted of doing it since then

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Al Bellenchia's avatar

Keep on keeping on, that’s all we can do. Keep doing so with grace, Will.

PS - no public system I know of was ever set up to actually serve the public.

🖖

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Catherine's avatar

I respectfully disagree. The United States Postal Service serves the public. It only recently is being hamstrung by those who are desperate to destroy and privatize it.

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Al Bellenchia's avatar

Point respectfully taken. In my experience though, even the most altruistically-based institutions get captured by the needs of their internal constituents. Especially once the founders depart.

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Mary Ellen Collins's avatar

Thank you Will, I do hope you eventually publish your "alzheimer's experiences" for the world to see. My step-mother Jean died of this disease, and you have chronicled much of her journey. The driving around at 2am looking for "home", which in this case was Hudson Falls, outbursts for no reason, sleeping for long hours, living much inside herself. This fell mainly on one brother and sister...they are saints as you are. You're in my prayers daily. God Bless you Will. May the Holidays bring you some peace and warmth... Mary Ellen

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Sara Idleman's avatar

Caregiving is hard work; emotionally, physically, spiritually. I've learned that the unwanted change in lifestyle is the most difficult part. You allude to that when you mention missing your partner who could share so much with you. I so often hear that we must learn to live one day at a time, not regretting the past, nor fearing the future. Caregiving forces us to do just that. Words are not adequate to express how much I admire your courage and willingness to share your experience.

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Jeannie Snyder's avatar

Maybe the best way to take care of you so you can continue to care for Bella is to start your own support group for caregivers...

I was a lucky disputer with tolls by mail when I called one day questioning a charge- the woman on the other end of the line accepted my reasoning and adjusted the fee...still that didn't take care of the 2.00 surcharge...

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Julie Milner's avatar

Wow. Do take care of yourself too. Would it have been possible to bring in an extra caregiver at some point?

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Will Doolittle's avatar

I'm working on that. It's not easy, because Bella is often out of it but is with it enough to reject the presence of someone she doesn't know

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Sally Carey's avatar

My mother_in_law often "fired" her caregivers. They were able to leave via one door and arrive at another and refocus her for a new experience.we were also able to invent some stories about the visitor that were acceptable for her. For my husband, the one that often worked was that the caregiver needed to learn how to do her job - would he please teach her. The caregiver was often my friend coming for a visit. Sometime reality needs to take a back seat to a scenario that works.

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Janet Flinchbaugh's avatar

This is a long lonely road for you to travel. Please take care of yourself.

Peace to you on this Christmas holiday.

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Lisa Zimmerman's avatar

I appreciate your writing about yourself and Bella's experience. I am caring for my mother and in a similar stage. I have been a person that enjoyed changed, but with this disease process I find it unsettling. I have always been a very positive person. This has brought me to the brink of depression at times. The experience is humbling. Who would even know or understand? As difficult as it can be I am glad that I have been able to keep my mom home, but who knows.

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Will Doolittle's avatar

Yes. Often I think of myself as near depression. Then I wonder, am I actually depressed?

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Aaron Gwin Woolf's avatar

So impressed and moved by your experience. Our mother had dementia and died in the summer of 2023. Your article brought back the way that the loss of a loved one is compounded daily when they suffer from dementia. Thank you for another articulate portrait of this harrowing challenge. Sending you all the strength of the season and beyond, I hope this solstice brings hope of brighter days beyond.

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Will Doolittle's avatar

Yes, that is an effect of Alzheimer's that I think people who don't have experience with it aren't aware of. I wasn't. Sometimes, it's called ambiguous grief. The person is there, but in significant ways, they are gone.

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Richard's avatar

...an obvious case of an electronic witness misidentifying someone else's plate for yours / or: although electric eyes do not tell lies, those who interpret what they see [as we see] do make mistakes...

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Don Shuler's avatar

Our hearts go out to you and Bella, Will. Take care of the caregiver.

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Sally Carey's avatar

Please take care of yourself so you can continue to care for your loved one. It is the "put your oxygen on first" plan. I spent 10 years caring for my husband as he was taken by Alzheimer's disease. I could not have done it alone. I found a great support group, help from a social worker, home health aides partially paid for by NHTD (nursing home transition, diversion), Washington County's office for the aging, day care, a few caring friends, and other supports I have forgotten. Nursing homes offer short stay respite care. It is amazing what a few hours of self care can do to restore. Please, please take care of you. Contact me if you wish. Sometimes just speaking with someone who has been through the same thing helps.

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Barbara Bubar's avatar

I'm not sure what you, Will, or anyone living as the caregiver with someone with Alzheimer's, have in you to just repeat, repeat, repeat your life with Bella, day in and day out, 24 hours a day. The details you describe are educational as well as, frankly, terrifying. And yes, what ELSE are you supposed to DO is the question. Will there come a time when you will share with us what you and Bella, hopefully, have thought ahead about what will happen when you simply can't cope? You are such an incredible source of information and education about the very basic parts of life in your situation.

Your story about the toll ticket is one of those agonizing things that happens constantly and the time AND extra money it takes to try and resolve is so often just not worth it except..for the principle! I'm quite sure every one of us out here could give examples where this has happened in so many ways. Of course we will want to hear....the conclusion to YOUR story!!!

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Will Doolittle's avatar

Yes, it's like a Groundhog's Day situation, without the exciting sense of mission -- learning how to get someone to fall in love with you -- and all the fun self-improvement Bill Murray undergoes. I do think the experience is improving me, making me more sensitive to the very difficult burdens people carry and more appreciative of the kindness of others. But it's a self-improvement I would give up in a second.

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Janet Curry's avatar

🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼

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Charlie Bucket's avatar

Fading plates and fading memory and wanting to go home. Best wishes this holiday season.

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David Nathan's avatar

Re Tolls in Mail, the alleged errors of that type are not confined to NY. Here in the DC suburbs, we just had a similar “error” involving driving on the Dulles Toll Road.

Dave Nathan

Bethesda, MD

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