Actually, it seems that since she is still walking and talking, and eating on her own, she may be around longer than what they told you. My mother had Altzheimers, and she could no longer eat, talk, or walk near the end. Maybe it's different with each person, but motivation just might be helping you and her.
Isn't it a keen surprise when we get to look at a photo and see the whole frame... like life in general I suppose. ( As you reflected on the contradictory aspects of grief)
My best childhood friend also has Alzheimer’s. Her husband has taken care of her at home until this year. You are most eloquent in your description of what it’s like to love someone with this disease.
The unpredictability of this degenerative disease poses unimaginable challenges, and demands creative on-the-spot interventions. No two cases are alike…but “estimates” of life expectancies may be helpful for financial and home healthcare assistance planning.
Your capacity for being-in-the-moment with Bella makes all the difference, Will. And tapping into your reservoir of writing skills, which continue to educate us all with your gut-deep honesty and insight - not found in books or medical school classrooms - has value beyond measure. And the daily outings which connect you, Bella and Ringo to nature/human contacts are essential ingredients for lessening the isolation that accumulates in the toll on caretakers.
The quote “Yesterday is history…Tomorrow is a mystery…all we have is today…that’s why we call it The Present” is a mantra we could all adopt from your chronicles of your life with and love of Bella. Thank you, Will.
Dear Will - Your article is so well written, covering this disease with great clarity. My mother had Alzheinmer's and survived through eight long years (until almost age 97) with wonderful care at several memory care facilities. I am so in awe of those care-givers who have unconditional love for the individuals in their care, regardless of the circumstances.
My sister-in-law is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. Your description of its early stages is exactly where she is. Your chronicles and story of the journey with Bella are life affirming. It would be unusual for any of us to leave this life without caregiving and/or infirmity. I am currently in the role of caregiving. Your experience gives me hope that I can continue to be fully present for those I love while watching them slowly and sadly change. Last night I was angry. Today, I take solace in your writing. Thank you for your courage and writing. That, in and of itself, is life affirming. There is another view of the Northumberland Dam from Hudson Crossing Park. The park is a special place.
A friend of mine cared for her very elderly mother, who she adored, when she had dementia in her final years. Her Mom was nonverbal the last few years of her life and declined in other ways, but Terry was always bringing her Mom to activities she thought she would enjoy, and tribute band shows and just so many social things. Her Mom would get hospitalized pretty frequently, as could happen with frail elderly, and Terry was always terrified her Mom wouldn't pull through. When her Mom did finally pass, my friend was so sad. She and her Mom were an inspiration for how to care for people you love when they are fragile.
You have such a gift in being able to put into words the emotional, physical and mental dimensions of this degeneration journey. It's great that you reference the moments and times of joy, smiles, interactions and laughs that are also part of journey and afford uplifting moments for caregivers, family and friends. Sadly those become fewer in number as the disease progresses but they do succeed in brightening the faces along the way. Bless you for crafting and sharing your insights into this journey.
You share your gifts of literary and photo imagery and your loving heart and soul which lifts us up, educates and reaffirms our understanding of the human condition. The apparent contradiction of grief and gratitude grows as we learn how precious life is. Poe, like Kafka had an extraordinary imagination, coupled with boundless curiosity. When you read them, you are drawn into an otherworldly place, yet their stories juxtapose the otherworldly with familiar, stereotypical characters. Thank you for sharing the writings of people who knew him.
Thank you for sharing your journey with Bella and I echo the comments of others about your presence in the tasks of caregiving. She is so fortunate to have such a kind partner and bravo to you for finding an intellectually and creatively fulfilling life in your writing and reading. I knew shockingly little about Poe and that photo of him in his last year 40!!! Was fascinating. Best wishes to you all.
Hi Els! Great to hear from you. I was just reading your latest Life in the The8tre post -- "Call the Shit Guy." If only there was such a guy to call whenever things turn to shit.
EZ Pass snafus are common. I’m not sure that as a result of not paying an erroneous EZ Pass billing a drivers license suspension will follow. Here’s what the NYS Throughway Authority has to say about it.
“Pay your Toll Bill by the due date. If payment is not received by the due date, a second Toll Bill is sent with a $5 late fee. An unpaid second Toll Bill escalates to a violation, which includes a $50 fee per violation notice. If the violation is not paid within 30 days, it may be referred to a collection agency.”
Of course there are other consequences that may result if you choose not to pay a disputed EZ Pass billing and that can include cancellation of your EZ Pass account.
It’s very frustrating when dealing with NYS when they’re wrong and you’re right! They’re presumption is “ you are guilty until you prove you are innocence “. Dealing with NYS is a lot like Alice in Wonderland....up is really down....forward is really backward....and right is wrong. Somewhere along the way our state government assumed the role of power without purpose and the little guy tends to find that there is no easy way to deal with the State. I applaud you for trying and hope you are victorious in your effort.
I appreciate your willingness to share your thinking on this part of your journey. I’m here, aging, and like most of us I am completely unaware of what awaits. I’m counting on there being more bright moments than not. Off we go, fingers crossed, one step at a time.
Lawrence Peter, famous for his book "The Peter Principle" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle) also said that what we want from anyone doing a job was "basic competency."
When you buy something, and tender a ten-spot (<grin>), you want to receive correct change in return.
When we deal with a government agency, we expect them to just do their job.
Following up on their mistakes, as you did with EZ-Pass, and suggesting what they can do to correct the problem, is exactly the right thing to do.
Actually, it seems that since she is still walking and talking, and eating on her own, she may be around longer than what they told you. My mother had Altzheimers, and she could no longer eat, talk, or walk near the end. Maybe it's different with each person, but motivation just might be helping you and her.
Isn't it a keen surprise when we get to look at a photo and see the whole frame... like life in general I suppose. ( As you reflected on the contradictory aspects of grief)
Love the photos.
My best childhood friend also has Alzheimer’s. Her husband has taken care of her at home until this year. You are most eloquent in your description of what it’s like to love someone with this disease.
The unpredictability of this degenerative disease poses unimaginable challenges, and demands creative on-the-spot interventions. No two cases are alike…but “estimates” of life expectancies may be helpful for financial and home healthcare assistance planning.
Your capacity for being-in-the-moment with Bella makes all the difference, Will. And tapping into your reservoir of writing skills, which continue to educate us all with your gut-deep honesty and insight - not found in books or medical school classrooms - has value beyond measure. And the daily outings which connect you, Bella and Ringo to nature/human contacts are essential ingredients for lessening the isolation that accumulates in the toll on caretakers.
The quote “Yesterday is history…Tomorrow is a mystery…all we have is today…that’s why we call it The Present” is a mantra we could all adopt from your chronicles of your life with and love of Bella. Thank you, Will.
Dear Will - Your article is so well written, covering this disease with great clarity. My mother had Alzheinmer's and survived through eight long years (until almost age 97) with wonderful care at several memory care facilities. I am so in awe of those care-givers who have unconditional love for the individuals in their care, regardless of the circumstances.
My sister-in-law is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. Your description of its early stages is exactly where she is. Your chronicles and story of the journey with Bella are life affirming. It would be unusual for any of us to leave this life without caregiving and/or infirmity. I am currently in the role of caregiving. Your experience gives me hope that I can continue to be fully present for those I love while watching them slowly and sadly change. Last night I was angry. Today, I take solace in your writing. Thank you for your courage and writing. That, in and of itself, is life affirming. There is another view of the Northumberland Dam from Hudson Crossing Park. The park is a special place.
A friend of mine cared for her very elderly mother, who she adored, when she had dementia in her final years. Her Mom was nonverbal the last few years of her life and declined in other ways, but Terry was always bringing her Mom to activities she thought she would enjoy, and tribute band shows and just so many social things. Her Mom would get hospitalized pretty frequently, as could happen with frail elderly, and Terry was always terrified her Mom wouldn't pull through. When her Mom did finally pass, my friend was so sad. She and her Mom were an inspiration for how to care for people you love when they are fragile.
I look forward to your weekend columns! They are like letters from a friend — moving, amusing, informative, inspiring and warm. Thank you!
You have such a gift in being able to put into words the emotional, physical and mental dimensions of this degeneration journey. It's great that you reference the moments and times of joy, smiles, interactions and laughs that are also part of journey and afford uplifting moments for caregivers, family and friends. Sadly those become fewer in number as the disease progresses but they do succeed in brightening the faces along the way. Bless you for crafting and sharing your insights into this journey.
Dear Will,
You share your gifts of literary and photo imagery and your loving heart and soul which lifts us up, educates and reaffirms our understanding of the human condition. The apparent contradiction of grief and gratitude grows as we learn how precious life is. Poe, like Kafka had an extraordinary imagination, coupled with boundless curiosity. When you read them, you are drawn into an otherworldly place, yet their stories juxtapose the otherworldly with familiar, stereotypical characters. Thank you for sharing the writings of people who knew him.
Dear Will,
Thank you for sharing your journey with Bella and I echo the comments of others about your presence in the tasks of caregiving. She is so fortunate to have such a kind partner and bravo to you for finding an intellectually and creatively fulfilling life in your writing and reading. I knew shockingly little about Poe and that photo of him in his last year 40!!! Was fascinating. Best wishes to you all.
Hi Els! Great to hear from you. I was just reading your latest Life in the The8tre post -- "Call the Shit Guy." If only there was such a guy to call whenever things turn to shit.
Wouldn’t that be great? Sounds like a new business model
Thank you Will. My mom always used to tell us life is neither fair or unfair. It is just life. A gift to be appreciated every day.
I like that way of thinking
EZ Pass snafus are common. I’m not sure that as a result of not paying an erroneous EZ Pass billing a drivers license suspension will follow. Here’s what the NYS Throughway Authority has to say about it.
“Pay your Toll Bill by the due date. If payment is not received by the due date, a second Toll Bill is sent with a $5 late fee. An unpaid second Toll Bill escalates to a violation, which includes a $50 fee per violation notice. If the violation is not paid within 30 days, it may be referred to a collection agency.”
Of course there are other consequences that may result if you choose not to pay a disputed EZ Pass billing and that can include cancellation of your EZ Pass account.
It’s very frustrating when dealing with NYS when they’re wrong and you’re right! They’re presumption is “ you are guilty until you prove you are innocence “. Dealing with NYS is a lot like Alice in Wonderland....up is really down....forward is really backward....and right is wrong. Somewhere along the way our state government assumed the role of power without purpose and the little guy tends to find that there is no easy way to deal with the State. I applaud you for trying and hope you are victorious in your effort.
I appreciate your willingness to share your thinking on this part of your journey. I’m here, aging, and like most of us I am completely unaware of what awaits. I’m counting on there being more bright moments than not. Off we go, fingers crossed, one step at a time.
Lawrence Peter, famous for his book "The Peter Principle" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle) also said that what we want from anyone doing a job was "basic competency."
When you buy something, and tender a ten-spot (<grin>), you want to receive correct change in return.
When we deal with a government agency, we expect them to just do their job.
Following up on their mistakes, as you did with EZ-Pass, and suggesting what they can do to correct the problem, is exactly the right thing to do.
Thank you, Will, for another sensitive, care-full, heart-filled piece. Our hearts go out to you and Bella. Shalom!