My problem with millimeter wave machines
Albany’s budget airline may have found a way to board an aircraft efficiently
By Ken Tingley
They are called “millimeter-wave machines” and are used at the airport to help TSA employees detect hidden objects on our bodies. You know the drill. You walk into an enclosed glass booth, put your feet on the yellow footprints, raise your hands over your heads and their is a “whoosh” as the machine screens your body.
And then you are on your way.
But not all of us. My recent trips have led to repeated pat-downs by the friendly TSA agents because of the danger my groin presents. Yes, there are plenty of jokes to insert there and believe me I’ve tried many of them.
Each time I am told to step to side and the TSA agent points to the scanner monitor showing a large yellow outline around my groin area. Sometimes it is just on one side, but lately it has been the entire groin area. Again, there are so many one-liners, but none of the friendly TSA agents ever laugh.
The first few times, I thought it was funny, but as the scenario repeated and the pat-downs continued, it has become a cause of not only concern, but dread when ever I fly.
In Albany on Monday evening, the TSA agent showed me the yellow around my groin area and said he would have to do a pat-down. I told him this had happened repeatedly to me in recent months and did he know why.
There was no response.
He then described the pat down procedure in the “license and registration” tone we have come to expect from those in authority.
He ran his gloved fingers around the inside of my entire waste band in the back, then repeated it in the front. He then patted down the front of my shorts just above, well, where my private parts are, then did the same in the back. What happened next had not happened in previous pat downs.
He ran his gloved hand up my leg all the way up to the intersection with my pelvis. That is also precariously close to a hanging male body part. The agent then moved his hand quickly and whacked my testicles.
You know, in some 40 years in the newspaper business I don’t think I’ve ever used the word “testicles” in a column.
I grunted loudly.
For the men out there, you know the feeling. It is the reason we wear jock straps and cups in sports. It was painful. He then repeated it on the opposite side and I had the same grunt of a reaction.
When I flew out of Nashville on Wednesday morning, the same scenario occurred. This time I was marched to the back of the security checkpoint, was not allowed to touch my personal belongings and was told to stand there with my hands over my head - as if being arrested - as the pat down was conducted. The same painful procedure occurred with shall we say “my boys” being assaulted once again. I was then instructed to follow the TSA agent where they swabbed the palms of my hands for gun powder. It came up negative.
There was never any explanation of what was so suspicious about my testicles.
These recent pat downs have stopped being funny, so I did some research and found that the “millimeter-wave machines” were introduced because of public concern that repeated X-rays might lead to cancer.
But I also found a decade-old story from ProPublica - a nonprofit journalism organization - that found that both France and Germany had dumped the machines very early on because of the frequency of false positives caused by folds in clothing, buttons and even sweat.
Which might explain why I’ve suddenly become a target. Maybe I am sweating more than I used to in one particular part of my body.
In Germany, the false positive rate was 54 percent and caused such significant airport delays they quickly abandoned the system. France and Italy also saw a large number of false positives.
We don’t know how high the false positives are in the United States because the TSA will not release its statistics on false positives for national security purposes. Apparently, how often the machines make mistakes is a national security issue and if it takes groping a few senior citizens to ensure that, so be it.
Other countries which use the machines report false positives between 25 and 50 percent. Studies on X-ray machines found false positives to be approximately 5 percent.
ProPublica described the problems with the machines like this:
“The problem of false alarms comes down to fundamental physics. Millimeter waves penetrate clothing and reflect off objects. But because of their frequency, millimeter waves also reflect off water, which can cause the scanner to mistake sweat for a potentially dangerous object, said Doug McMakin, the lead researcher who developed the millimeter-wave scanner at the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory. (X-rays, which operate at a higher frequency, pass through water more easily). In addition, millimeter waves penetrate clothing materials differently, and layers of clothing can create a barrier, triggering a false alarm. "These are known as clutter issues in the imaging," McMakin said.
The intention with the new machine was to obviously keep us all safer, especially after a Nigerian man tried to blow up a plane with explosives hidden in his underwear, but that was more than 10 years ago and the rough searches on me just started six months ago.
Did someone send out a memo to be more thorough?
Has the training changed?
Is their a ring of testicle bombers we have not heard about?
I’d ask, but I’m guessing the answers are national security.
Maybe, it’s as simple as me sweating too much in one particular part of my body.
I am flying again today, and I am not looking forward to the security checkpoint.
Allegiant Air
My trip on Allegiant Air - one of those budget airlines - was favorable early this week and not just because I paid $94 for a one-way non-stop ride to Nashville (including one checked bag).
Allegiant tries to create a larger revenue stream by checking all its bags. You are allowed one small carry-on item - back packs, briefcase are ok - but no suitcases.
When my flight was called at Albany Airport, there was no boarding group we all just boarded at once and because no one was blocking the aisles as they struggled to fit their suitcase in the overhead bin, the boarding went quickly and smoothly.
I’ve been saying airlines should do this for years.
Tweet of the Day
I'm going full conspiracy theorist here and say that perhaps some well connected politician is paying you back for your critical posts about her. Maybe you're on the "rough him up" list. LOL.
This made me laugh out loud. Anticipation of these checks are going to make you sweat even more. Might want to visit the hand drying machines in the men’s room before approaching TSA next time.😂