BONUS: `We are living our lives again'

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On Sept. 19, 2014 - 10 years ago - I wrote a column that made 9/11 personal. I wrote about a young basketball player at Hartwick College who I covered as a young sportswriter. HE went on to work on Wall Street in the investment firm Cantor Fitzgerald.

You probably know the rest of the story.

As is sometimes the case, my words slowly circulated on the internet before gradually reaching the family of Tim O'Brien and finally his sister, Kathleen Tighe.

Kathleen not only lost a brother that day, she lost her husband, too. He also worked for Cantor Fitzgerald.

Kathleen finally wrote back in the winter of 2016.

That email stayed in my inbox for a long time.

It stayed there stirring my thoughts about life, death and some of its horrors.

After nine months, I finally, I wrote about her email September 11, 2016.

Here is what I wrote eight years ago:

`Yes, we are living our lives again’

September 11, 2016

The email was at the bottom of my mailbox for the past nine months.

I could not bring myself to delete it.

Kathy Tighe had written me more than a year after I first wrote about her brother, Tim O’Brien.

It happens that way sometimes.

Your words get passed from one family member to another. In this case, Kathy’s mother sent out letters to the family with items of interest: comic strips, recipes and sometimes an article like mine.

Kathy apologized for not knowing when it was written. She said she didn’t pay much attention to the news anymore — “Since 9/11, just too painful.”

Her brother Tim worked for Cantor Fitzgerald on the 105th floor of Tower One.

Her husband Steve Tighe worked there, too.

“On that day, we lost two fathers of seven children (ages 13 to 6 months),” she wrote back in December. Four of the children were hers.

She said she was glad I had visited the new museum and told me about how she and her father decided to be interviewed for the new museum and how worthwhile it was.

“Because if you listen, you hear a story — a story of a brother, father, husband ... .”

But here is why I kept the email.

“Yes, we are living our lives again,” Kathy wrote in December. “The ‘baby’ is a freshman in high school playing soccer like her dad, and basketball like Uncle Tim. My parents continue to attend the games of the grandchildren (24 of them) as they did for Tim and the rest of the brood. Evil tried to destroy our family, but I am happy to say it did not succeed.”

Yeah, I know you are tearing up right now, because I did, too.

I stumbled on the email earlier this week while cleaning out my mailbox. Only this time, I decided I had something to say.

I wrote Kathy that her note stayed with me these past nine months, that despite the devastating events all those years ago, it was inspiring to see the hope and passion about life going on, and about her youngest playing ball like her father and uncle.

I told her that I will be thinking of her family this year on the 15th anniversary, and I told her that there are many other people thinking about her family as well, even if they don’t know them.

I also told her I hoped my message did not cause further pain, because I don’t know how anyone deals with such a tragedy and its aftermath.

A couple hours later, she wrote back.

“It does not cause further pain at all,” she wrote. “To the contrary, I find it rather comforting to know that our loved ones are remembered.”

She continued:

“This time of year is always anxiety-provoking, but we attend the various services, we keep in mind the devastation brought upon our entire country that day, and make peace with the fact that all the lives lost will live on through the next generation. It is up to us to educate the young and tell the stories of those lost.

“As my wonderful dad says,” Kathy continued, “‘faith, family, friends — in that order — is all you need to live a happy life.’”

I don’t think you can say it much better than that.

P.S.

On each 9/11 anniversary since, I think about the O’Brien family and I think about Kathleen Tighe and I remember that evil did not destroy them that day and that they continue to live their lives, just like all of us. Earlier this week, I sent Kathleen an email asking if she would be willing to talk to me about her children and Tim's children and how it all turned. I didn't expect a response because I'm sure this time of year is still too difficult. But I suspect, we will eventually talk again.

The Last American Editor can be purchased at Ace Hardware, Chapman Musuem, Battenkill Books, McKernon Gallery, Fort William Henry, Lake George Steamboat Co. and The Silo.

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Ken Tingley spent more than four decades working in small community newspapers in upstate New York. Since retirement in 2020 he has written three books and is currently adapting his second book "The Last American Newspaper" into a play. He currently lives in Queensbury, N.Y.